The wife is due to spew out the latest parasite in less than a month...my sister's liver is failing to metabolize her pain medications and is in general shutting down (along with her one remaining kidney)...so because obviously some greater fucking power thinks I don't have enough on my plate...

I wake up with excruciating pain in my abdomen on Tuesday morning at about 2am, thought maybe it was something I ate, so I walk around a bit, doesn't get any better. So I sit down and read for a bit, still no better. Doze off in the chair, wake up about 4am and it's worse. I figure the wife will be up around 6am so I'm not going to wake her up until then, but then she gets up with Brianna at 4:30am, asks me why I'm up, and I tell her. So we're figuring out what to do, and by 6:15am I literally cannot stand without feeling like I'm going to puke every other step I take. I call my doctor, they tell me to get to the ER as fast as we safely can (which isn't very fast because it's across town where our insurance covers).

So by about 7:20am we get to the ER, the nurse takes one look at me, asks if I have pain my my lower right abdomen, and I grunt affirmatively to her. They get me hooked up to an IV, get some fluids in me, check my temp, which is at 102, but I'm shaking like a freaking leaf. Doc comes in, pokes me a couple of times and I damn near thought I was going to kill him where he stood.

Classic appendicitis. Joy.

So they give me morphine, JOY! I don't feel shit and I pass out into happy narcoticland. 2:00pm they wheel me into surgery and around 4:30pm I wake up missing a small useless chunk of my large intestine, and in a HELL OF A LOT OF PAIN, but they give me more morphine, JOY!

So yesterday I sit in the hospital watching my stomach slowly gurgle to itself and deflate as the CO2 they used to inflate my abdomen escapes/absorbs into my system. Hurts like hell, but they keep giving me morphine. JOY!

So they say they will release me if I can keep solid foods down, which I can, considering I hadn't eaten for a full day, and if they can get me off the morphine drop, BOO! So they bring me two pissant little vicodin. I tell them flat out that vicodin is like candy to me and doesn't even kill a headache. They want to try it anyways. So I take them, and gee, they do nothing. So I'm laying there in pain, belly gurgling like mad, raging headache, and no more morphine. So they up me to what I suggested in the first place, Lortab.

Lortab is great shit, but I can't sleep for long while taking it for some reason. So now I'm home, but on a completely fucked sleep schedule from the pain drugs, and I'm still listening to my belly make death rattles as it deflates down to a normal size (I looked pregnant when I came out of recovery).

So now the real joy starts. They don't want me to work for 2 weeks, but I'm a contractor, which means I sit at home making NOTHING for two weeks, and basically we will get evicted. So I have to see how long the pain lasts and how well I can tolerate it, because there's no way I can work from home, and there's no way in hell I would drive while taking Lortab...

Isn't life just fucking GRAND?